Hold on…

Image from LCG2001 at Morguefile.comBecause it’s a three day weekend, we used it the way that all super cool awesome rock stars used it. We went to three used book stores to try to stock up on books and records.

We drove out about an hour to the west side of Houston, and on the way there, we listened to our free trial of XM. “Hold on Loosely” (.38 Special) came on.

I began singing along, and Patrick ruined it for me.

“You know that’s about masturbation, right?”


I thought about the lyrics.

Oh. My. God.

It totally made sense.

The song was burned into my brain, like Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison. (It’s about anal sex. Go read about it here.)

Into Half Price Books we went. I scanned the records while Patrick took Simon to check out the books

Couple behind me:
Guy: This is what I was looking for! It’s a Southern rock collection.
Woman: Let’s see what’s on it. (She starts reading the song titles. Stops.) Hold on loosely? Wait, is that… (And she begins singing it.)

I try to avoid laughing and keep flipping through all the records. I’m going backwards from Z, and I’m at U, discovering that someone offloaded a dozen “Utopia” albums.

Couple behind me again:
Woman: How is that Southern rock?
Guy: Mumbles. It’s sort of what I’m looking for.
Woman: But it’s not Southern! (Starts singing it again.)

They start arguing for real.

Woman: Time Life *does not* have a Southern rock mix. I remember their commercial.
Guy: I didn’t say they did. I just heard they had something with Southern rock.
Woman: But this isn’t it. (She sings even more of the song.)

I finally made it to T.

There. Right in front of me.

.38 Special.

Like a sign from the universe telling me something. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to buy it or masturbate.

I didn’t buy the record.





Because scissors

Sometimes a buy this/get that sale makes sense. Like buying salad dressing and getting croutons for free.

Logically, salad dressing is part of salad and so are croutons. They go together. (And it’s pretty nice to get something for free!)


But then some buy this/get that deals are slightly more confusing. Like buying string cheese and getting an 8″ pair of scissors.


At first I thought, no it makes sense – back to school snack and back to school supply. These scissors, though, aren’t back to school scissors. They are sharp, huge, and totally not kid friendly. And they aren’t kitchen shears, either, so no using them to cut up chicken or anything. They were on the other side of the store, tucked away in office supplies.

Even the cashier was stumped, but agreed that, yes, free stuff is good, even when you have no idea why it’s free.

And since I mentioned free stuff, I’d like to take this chance to apologize to the person in front of me in line. The bagger clearly felt I was far more in need of your Double Stuff Oreos, and so he put them in my bag. Not my bad. Honest. Just found them while putting away my groceries. But, hey – free!