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Tampa!

Good: I’m at my last residency!
Bad: I’m in Florida!

Good: Free breakfast at the hotel!

No, this isn’t what I get for breakfast, but it’s a bloody brilliant idea! Image by Apolonia via freedidigtalphotos.net
No, this isn’t what I get for breakfast, but it’s a bloody brilliant idea! Image by Apolonia via freedidigtalphotos.net

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bad: Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! (It’s greasy. It’s super thin. And it runs out too often!)

Mmmmmm bacon. Image by Marin via freedigitalphotos.net
Mmmmmm bacon. Image by Marin via freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good: My hotel room shower is nothing like this!

Bad: The noise coming from the vent in the bathroom reminds me of this!

Good: I haven’t seen any scorpions!
Bad: Birds attacking planes!

Good: There’s a workout room!

Yeah, I look nothing like this… Image by photostock via freedigitalphotos.net
Yeah, I look nothing like this… Image by photostock via freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bad: There’s a workout room!

What the hell do you do with that thing?? Image by photostock via freedigitalphotos.net
What the hell do you do with that thing?? Image by photostock via freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good: I’ve lost enough weight/size that I can fit in the chair-desks in Reeves Theater!
Bad: I had to sit in those chair-desks for hours in partial darkness while tired and trying to stay awake!

Good: Walking back and forth between the hotel and the school is good exercise!

Bad: It’s summer. And it’s Florida. And it’s hot!

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Why I Hate Florida, The January 2013 Version

Time to Leave Florida!
Time to Leave Florida!
  • I have a mosquito bite on my hand.  It hurts.  It’s January!
  • The bed is so low that I smacked below my knee on the wooden edge, and even though I was wearing jeans, I have not only a big old bruise but also scraped the skin. 
  • And then the next day I did it again, but on the other side of the leg. 
  • And it still hurts.
  • The printer in the “office” at the apartment declared it had no paper, regardless of the number of times I turned it off and on again, removed and put back the paper, and even photocopied blank paper.  It didn’t work.  Ever.
  • The lines at Starbucks are crazy long, the parking lot looks like it was designed by M.C. Escher, and someone cut me off and stole my spot, making me sit in the drive through for ten minutes for a simple cup of coffee.
  • The Mexican food.  Really, who serves Mexican food in Florida?  There wasn’t enough sour cream to make edible.
  • I have no time! No time! (But I don’t suppose that is actually the fault of Florida…)
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Further Proof That the World is Ending…

Slugs having sex! Photo by Daniel Ullrich, CC-by-sa-2.0-de, via Wikimedia Commons
Slugs having sex! Photo by Daniel Ullrich, CC-by-sa-2.0-de, via Wikimedia Commons

Yesterday it was Godzilla plummeting to Earth, having already wreaked havoc in Japan with the earthquake and minor tsunami.  Today…it’s giant slugs who eat houses.

No kidding.  Miami, Florida, is currently host to some Giant African Land Snails, which can grow to 10 inches long and eat the stucco from the sides of houses, like kids attacking life-sized gingerbread houses.  They are, obviously, a non-native species, and they have been there for a few years now. 

Luckily, I know what to do about it, having been one of the lucky few to have watched the awesome 1988 movie Slugs: The Movie.

So beware – as it was prophesied, the end of the world is coming, and if it isn’t Godzilla, it’s slugs.  (And if the trailer isn’t enough to convince you not to watch it, the whole movie is available online!)