Have you ever seen a meme that reminded you of something that you’d rather forget?
First, we need to flash back more years than I’d like to admit.
I was out of high school and had a job, but couldn’t afford an apartment. I was living at home, and our house was small. My bedroom shared a wall with my parents’ room.
I woke up, and from the room right next to mine, I heard my father moaning.
It was about 6 a.m. I really, really needed to pee. The bathroom was right there – if I walked into the hallway that both bedrooms went out into. And it didn’t sound like their door was closed.
I stayed quiet, and I stayed in bed.
Now we need to flash back even further.
When I was a teenager I had an awesome cat, but he had asthma. The poor kitty would get all not-breathing-so-good and we’d bring him to the vet to get a shot, and then he’d be better.
Of course, this not-breathing-so-good normally happened on evenings, holidays, and weekends. You know, when the normal vet office was closed, so we’d have to go to the emergency clinic.
That’s where we were. Waiting. I’d brought a book (probably science fiction or horror at that age), and my father had brought a programming book.
He shifted the book, and a piece of paper fell out and hit the floor. I grabbed it, being the oh so awesome and nice person that I am. But then I looked at it because I’m not really that awesome and nice.
It was a checklist of symptoms for depression. Clearly, my mother had filled it out and given it to him.
I don’t remember all the things that were checked off, but one of them was quite noticeable.
It had been checked off, circled, starred, and highlighted.
Lack of sexual desire.
Continuing with my lack of niceness and awesomeness, I laughed.
“That’s so funny!” I said.
My father looked at me, as serious as I’ve ever seen him.
“No,” he said. “No. It’s not.”
That just made me laugh harder.
Now flash back to the moment when I woke up and heard noise from my parents’ room.
I didn’t want to interrupt anything. Sure, it was super gross to think of my parents having sex, but I wasn’t dumb enough to think that they weren’t human beings with needs.
I thought I’d be quiet. Just hum to myself, cover my ears, pretend that nothing was going on. Ignore my bladder.
More moaning. Sounds of the bed moving.
I pretended more. Ignored more.
Then I heard it.
“Should I wake up Kate?”
“Goddamn it!” I yelled. “He has another kidney stone, doesn’t he?!”
And that’s all I could think of when I saw this meme.