Meme’ories to lose

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil by clarita at morguefile.comHave you ever seen a meme that reminded you of something that you’d rather forget?

First, we need to flash back more years than I’d like to admit.

I was out of high school and had a job, but couldn’t afford an apartment. I was living at home, and our house was small. My bedroom shared a wall with my parents’ room.

I woke up, and from the room right next to mine, I heard my father moaning.

It was about 6 a.m.  I really, really needed to pee. The bathroom was right there – if I walked into the hallway that both bedrooms went out into. And it didn’t sound like their door was closed.

I stayed quiet, and I stayed in bed.

Now we need to flash back even further.

When I was a teenager I had an awesome cat, but he had asthma. The poor kitty would get all not-breathing-so-good and we’d bring him to the vet to get a shot, and then he’d be better.

Of course, this not-breathing-so-good normally happened on evenings, holidays, and weekends. You know, when the normal vet office was closed, so we’d have to go to the emergency clinic.

That’s where we were. Waiting. I’d brought a book (probably science fiction or horror at that age), and my father had brought a programming book.

He shifted the book, and a piece of paper fell out and hit the floor. I grabbed it, being the oh so awesome and nice person that I am. But then I looked at it because I’m not really that awesome and nice.

It was a checklist of symptoms for depression. Clearly, my mother had filled it out and given it to him.

I don’t remember all the things that were checked off, but one of them was quite noticeable.

It had been checked off, circled, starred, and highlighted.

Which one?

Lack of sexual desire.

Continuing with my lack of niceness and awesomeness, I laughed.

“That’s so funny!” I said.

My father looked at me, as serious as I’ve ever seen him.

“No,” he said. “No. It’s not.”

That just made me laugh harder.

Now flash back to the moment when I woke up and heard noise from my parents’ room.

I didn’t want to interrupt anything. Sure, it was super gross to think of my parents having sex, but I wasn’t dumb enough to think that they weren’t human beings with needs.

I thought I’d be quiet. Just hum to myself, cover my ears, pretend that nothing was going on. Ignore my bladder.

More moaning. Sounds of the bed moving.

I pretended more. Ignored more.

Then I heard it.

My mother.

“Should I wake up Kate?”

“Goddamn it!” I yelled. “He has another kidney stone, doesn’t he?!”

And that’s all I could think of when I saw this meme.







Hold on…

Image from LCG2001 at Morguefile.comBecause it’s a three day weekend, we used it the way that all super cool awesome rock stars used it. We went to three used book stores to try to stock up on books and records.

We drove out about an hour to the west side of Houston, and on the way there, we listened to our free trial of XM. “Hold on Loosely” (.38 Special) came on.

I began singing along, and Patrick ruined it for me.

“You know that’s about masturbation, right?”


I thought about the lyrics.

Oh. My. God.

It totally made sense.

The song was burned into my brain, like Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison. (It’s about anal sex. Go read about it here.)

Into Half Price Books we went. I scanned the records while Patrick took Simon to check out the books

Couple behind me:
Guy: This is what I was looking for! It’s a Southern rock collection.
Woman: Let’s see what’s on it. (She starts reading the song titles. Stops.) Hold on loosely? Wait, is that… (And she begins singing it.)

I try to avoid laughing and keep flipping through all the records. I’m going backwards from Z, and I’m at U, discovering that someone offloaded a dozen “Utopia” albums.

Couple behind me again:
Woman: How is that Southern rock?
Guy: Mumbles. It’s sort of what I’m looking for.
Woman: But it’s not Southern! (Starts singing it again.)

They start arguing for real.

Woman: Time Life *does not* have a Southern rock mix. I remember their commercial.
Guy: I didn’t say they did. I just heard they had something with Southern rock.
Woman: But this isn’t it. (She sings even more of the song.)

I finally made it to T.

There. Right in front of me.

.38 Special.

Like a sign from the universe telling me something. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to buy it or masturbate.

I didn’t buy the record.





More weirdness that I swear does not make me crazy

My computer was searching for underwater hotels without me...and listening to music.
My computer was searching for underwater hotels without me…and listening to music.

So about a month ago, I posted about a weird thing that happened.

Well, more things have been happening. Weird things. Unusual things. Strange things.

They all seem to happen in my office.

The biggest one was that the radio and TV would change channels when I left the room. It happened once or twice, and I wrote it off – Molly is magic at stepping on the remote control in the bedroom and turning off the TV. Her feet find the exact spot. It could happen in my office, too.

At least, the TV changing channels could.

But I’m not sure how the radio could change channels. I don’t have any presets, and the cats would have to be super talented in order to change from one to the next without the use of the remote or any presets.

I was willing to let that pass. I mean, strange things happen, right? And maybe I was just forgetting what I had set things to or I had done it before leaving the room. I doubted that, but, hey, I’ve done weirder things.

Then my computer got in on it.

Okay, so this I know for a fact was not me.

I closed my computer, and I went to bed.

The next morning, I opened my computer…

And apparently it had been searching for vacations while I was asleep.

I don’t even use that browser! How did it open a browser and do that search?

I. Did. Not. Do. That.


But I’m not crazy.

I am beginning to look at my cabinet of curiosities a little funny, though. There are an awful lot of weird toys in there. Did I buy the wrong one?

Spam Poetry

Where to Find Me, Part the Second (A Spam Poem)

Image by BullofRiverside on Morguefile.comNo prescription.
Buy Online.
Easy order processing.

Our editors have little effect
of too little give and take it with food.

We commend State legislative efforts
involving other because they are infected.

They sometimes feel signs that they are
always possible to contact lens solutions.

No prescription.
Buy Online.
Easy order processing.

Generic drugs made harder to bear children
or before exposure to the virus, such as before other meals.

It is covered in a separate dishes, glasses and utensils
is not necessary for the kidneys should take a smaller dose.

The Commons Health Care strongly that ginseng works,
but others may suffer such a commitment.

No prescription.
Buy Online.
Easy order processing.

Online Students undertake modules covering ethics and logic,
it is almost every organ via the bloodstream or penetrates tissues and a decrease in excess mortality.

In most patients, then it is worth the financial cost
by contacting your own yogurt-type drink.

This will sometimes promote spontaneous bleeding,
and is treated with therapy can be dramatic.


White Person Thoughts

Stone Lion Guard - Image from Beglib at MorguefilesSo I was collecting donations for an event I was hosting for people with special needs.

One of the donations I needed to pick up was in a gated community.

The community was filled with huge McMansions. Gigantic lots. Garages that had room for three, four, or five cars – and that were most likely full, or would be once the family was home. Perfect landscaping. Lakes. Pools. Probably their own police force.

I won’t lie – it was kind of intimidating for those of us who grew up in a 900 sq ft house.

I found the house I was looking for. Pulled into the driveway. Parked.

There were a couple of middle-aged white guys hanging by the garage. I could feel them – and see them – watching me as I climbed out of my dusty jeep with the cracked windshield. My car clearly didn’t belong in the neighborhood. I probably gave off the stank of a lack of funds to them.

I’m sure they knew I didn’t belong there.

But they silently watched me as I walked up to the front door and picked up the goodies that were left for me.

I was half-convinced they’d raise some kind of alarm or come chasing after me, accusing me of stealing the bag full of drink koozies.

As I climbed back into the car, I realized my fears were possibly well-founded, but they were nothing compared to the fears I’d have had if I had been in the same position but black.

Political Rants

But I’m safe

Middle-finger-jesusOne of my old friends posted on Facebook about the new insurance law of the land – his child has a “pre-existing condition.”

A response from one of his FB acquaintances said:
“Why will your situation change? You have insurance and your procedures are covered.”

And this, American public, is what’s wrong with this country.

We cannot just care about the people we personal know.

Just because you don’t know someone doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
Just because you don’t know someone doesn’t mean they don’t need your help.
Just because you don’t know someone doesn’t mean they don’t deserve compassion and basic human dignity.

I am horrified that the Republicans and the conservatives have absolutely no empathy, sympathy, or compassion for anyone other than themselves.

They want to make basic health care unaffordable for the disabled, the elderly, and the victims of domestic violence.

They want women who have babies punished by cutting off their insurance or making it unaffordable. (And to anyone who wants to respond by saying that women who can’t afford children shouldn’t have them needs to go down to an abortion clinic and pay for the abortion or pay for the prenatal, labor and delivery, and post-natal care, as well as paying up for the next 20 years for the kid’s life…)

They want to take care of themselves and their cronies, giving money to people who already have it while taking it away from those who do not have it.

Let me tell you this – you are not “safe.” No one can predict what will happen in their lives, where they will be in one year, five years, ten years.

But the thing is, even saying that, that is not the point.

**The point is that it shouldn’t have to happen to you for you to care about it.**

It’s that simple.

Care about your fellow human beings.


Where to Find Me, Part the First (A Spam Poem)

Image from Morguefile.com, YoelA new comment waiting
for your approval

Most are treatable,
but has no cure
of an urgent need to urinate,
or having to go often
on the upper lip.

Great Discounts on Adderall.
Best quality.
Buy Online

A hot flash
may begin before genital
contact, especially in later pregnancy,
with the ads for antacids.

Great Discounts on Adderall.
Best quality.
Buy Online

When the abscess
being warm compresses
to the area is adequate for forming an erection.

Great Discounts on Adderall.
Best quality.
Buy Online

will often as monthly or only struggle
to recall – situation in which is usually absorbed.

Where should I buy Alprazolam ?

Great Discounts on Adderall.
Complete client satisfaction
Buy Online