Archive for February, 2014

It’s not often that I think that I’m in synch with the universe.  In fact, I often think that it’s diametrically opposed to all that I hold dear.  (Okay, not really often…just sometimes.)  Which is why I feel like I’m in the land of odd right about now. 

Let me start at the beginning.

For those who read this blog, you know that I made the decision to go ahead and quit my jobs, both teaching and as a distance education specialist.  The impetus behind it was the lack of stability and anxiety it caused, as well as the urge to do what I really loved.  If I’m gonna be poor, I might as well be poor and happy instead of poor and stressed, right?

Apparently, I was reading things very very well, because, as of last week, it appears that one of the schools I was working for is now closing.  It is finishing the current cohort through their remaining classes, but it will be done by the end of summer.  Their on campus side is in the same boat, only most of their employees were laid off as of last week (getting severance, at least).  If I had been there, I would also have been laid off, but as a part-timer, I would have just gone silently into the night.

I have to admit being taken aback by the suddenness of the closing, and part of me is reeling from it still now.  We just announced it to our online faculty tonight, and I think they were probably just as surprised as I was when I first heard it.  While the school wasn’t doing an amazing job (enrollment numbers – I think we, as a school, did an amazing job), I thought that they would be able to find a way to keep afloat.  But it wasn’t meant to be.

Now, while I’m sad and upset, it’s still something that I chose to do.  I left on my own terms.  I may be in the end game for the next week, but at this point, it’s also the school’s end game, too, and that just feels weird.

I’m definitely glad that I went ahead and made the decision when I did.  I have to believe that if I was on the shock and awe side of this closing, I would not be feeling the way I do now. 

(Because sometimes the only way to truly express your feelings is through poetry…Apologies to e.e. cummings…)

 

Levaquin i love you
because you can help cure all these crazy ass
diseases including anthrax and the plague
and it’s not many antibiotics that can say they do

that and because you
unflinchingly list all
the common side effects and
not so common ones that would scare a man on death row

Levaquin i love you because
you work pretty damn well for a sinus infection
even if i am forced to be up all night when
i take you and in the

morning i get to sleep in the daylight and
because you are continually giving
me new side effects like headaches and dizziness
especially because this time i need you for ten days

Levaquin i love you because you
make it so i can’t take Advil without a higher
risk of seizures and the list of deadly side effects
seems to get longer each time i check it out

on the paperwork
that came home with you from the pharmacy
including the fear
of combusting in the sunlight Levaquin

i hate you

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I read that.  Apparently a lot of people hold it together for the holidays, but then, as the new year hits, they realize that it’s time to make a change in their life. 

In my case, it’s not a divorce, though.  Not really.  But in a way, I guess it is.

I’m leaving my career. 

It just hasn’t been working out between us. 

It kept demanding more and more of my time, but it didn’t give me anything in return.

It caused me untold amounts of stress.

It kept me from my friends and loved ones.

And it was really, really keeping me from doing what I wanted to do with my life – writing. 

As a wise man (Sheldon Cooper) once said, you can’t be a chalkboard monitor and pursue something wholeheartedly.  In his case, it was being a theoretical physicist.  In my case, it’s writing.  Not quite the same – although we both do spend a lot of time sitting around and thinking and then trying things out to see if they work – but the statement is still valid.  Every day, I was feeling more like a chalkboard monitor (another blog on that later), and I had less and less time to do what I actually wanted to pursue.

Perhaps the final straw was when I looked through my favorites in my browser.  I have folders with dates, going back to 2009, that have markets in them where I wanted to submit work.  I never got back to those.  They’ve been sitting there, waiting for me, or – more realistically, they moved on.  They kept getting submissions.  They may have even closed or gone out of business.

I won’t lie – it’s absolutely terrifying to take this step.  And it’s going to require sacrifices.  But it will also give me a lot back.  It will give me my life back.  I may still wind up working crazy long hours, but it will be different.  I won’t be a chalkboard monitor anymore. 

Last night, February 9, I completed the last class I had in session.  As of right now, I’m completing some work with my part-time position, and then I’m stepping away from being a chalkboard monitor for a while.  I’m going to see what happens.  By the end of the month, I will be able to devote all my time to writing and trying to get published.  And I’ll probably start eating a lot of ramen…

Image

No complaints!

Posted: February 4, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

ImageToday in the mail, I got a bracelet from my sister.  She had ordered a batch of these bracelets ages ago, and they finally showed, and she shipped mine down to me.  I had honestly forgotten about it.  It’s a plan black thin rubbery thing, and it says “no complaints” on it in raised black rubbery letters.

So, in the spirit of my bracelet, I will not complain about the following things:

 

  1. That I have a headache
  2. That I had to clean up cat puke and throw away one of Simon’s toys that was destroyed in the deluge
  3. That I am currently taking an antibiotic with a potential side effect of “problems sleeping” which has apparently come true for me since I’ve had three days (out of six on the drug) where I didn’t go to sleep until after 3 a.m., and on two of those days, I didn’t go to sleep until after 4 a.m.
  4. That I am still getting free English textbooks addressed to me with a school I haven’t worked with for over three years
  5. That I haven’t heard back about an email I sent two days ago to check up on a few things that were supposed to be in motion back in December (hello, DISD?)
  6. That my printer sometimes seems to take some sort of perverse pleasure in deciding what it will print and what it won’t print
  7. That the woman who did my manicure asked if I wanted an eyebrow wax and seemed very surprised that I did not, in fact, want one (screw you, too!)
  8. That I discovered that, at 3:30 in the afternoon, my to do list has about 20 hours worth of things to do still on it
  9. That I had a nightmare that someone else took my idea about a series of grammar books and published them before I did
  10. That I really don’t have that much to complain about…it’s really just little things that I should get over and move past and work on.