Why I Hate Happy People

I don’t.

But what’s funny, though, is that they think or do.  Or, even better, they seem to hate me.  They think I’m an evil, bad, horrible person who has the nerve to be unhappy or rain on their parade (or piss in their cornflakes, or whatever you want to call it) by pointing out that, perhaps, sometimes people actually have a reason to be unhappy and – surprisingly – they can be unhappy without the world coming to an end.

If only, these enforced happiness people say, if only we *wanted* to be happy.  Like the Gospel of Prosperity, if we wanted to be rich, we would be.

But it’s not true.  And like the little boy pointing out that the emperor has no clothes, I’m going to be the one who jumps up and says that it’s okay to not be happy sometimes.  And maybe the insistence on being happy is a desperate attempt to be happy and deny those other emotions.

So what if some days I’m not happy?  So what if sometimes I want to have a pity party and eat some birthday cake?  Does that make me a bad person?  A person who doesn’t “want” to be happy?

Somehow, this whole thing conjures up the lyrics of a “Hair” song – “How can people be so heartless? How can people be so cruel?”  Just because you’re happy does not mean that everyone else will be – or can be – all the time.  Sometimes people cycle through natural emotions.  We can be sad, depressed, angry, excited, grumpy, or even, yes, even happy.  But if all we feel is happy, we’re denying the rest of our human experience. 

Why not trying to be nice to those people who aren’t happy instead of attacking them and blaming them for their unhappiness?  Do we really want to make it a blame game, telling people that when they’re unhappy or poor that it’s their own fault? 

If I don’t hate you for being happy, why do you hate me for not being happy?



Blaming the victim, part two, three, and four…and maybe five?

Okay, so we already know that rape victims are always to blame, either because they are in the wrong place, wearing the wrong clothes or the wrong gender.  But now Health.com (through CNN) has decided it isn’t just rape victims that are causing their own woes.  It’s school children, too.  Those damn kids!

In their “Are depressed kids bully magnets?,” they are kind enough to blame the kids for being bullied.  The title alone gives us a hint of that – they are “magnets” – e.g. they are causing the bullies to come to them.  But how, one might ask are these children doing that?

Well, you see, they’re depressed.  And this means that they “have the potential to appear vulnerable, and are easy marks for victimization.”

But, wait, there’s more!

A researcher pointed out that the kids really do bring it upon themselves by exhibiting “social skill deficits or behaviors…or excessively [talking] about their problems…these are all things that have the potential to be irritating to peers.”

Damn right, researcher! If only those depressed kids just kept their problems to themselves and didn’t annoy the others, maybe they wouldn’t be harassed and bullied.

I know, instead of stopping bullying, why don’t we just stop depression?  Let’s just drug up the depressed kids.  Once they’re happy, all the bullying will stop, right?

Sometimes I really wonder at the brilliance of these researchers.  Yes, it’s good to know that there may be a reason why bullies pick targets, but let’s think about the words we use and how we express that information.  Let’s not give the bullies excuses; let’s come up with ways to stop the problem.  Blaming the victim is not the way to go.


I Dreamed My Teeth Fell Out


Really.  It was like I would just be sitting there, and then I’d feel something, and I’d put my hand in my mouth and another tooth would have come loose and dropped out.  It seemingly kept going – and I kept feeling more and more empty places in my mouth.

Being the absolutely brilliant human that I am, the minute I woke up, I knew that I was not alone in that dream.  It’s one of the common shared dreams, like falling or having to go to the bathroom.  (Although I must say that I almost prefer the having to go to the bathroom dream – at least then once you wake up, everything is better.)  But this dream stuck with me, and so I had to go do my dream research.  Or get someone else to do it for me, anyway.

And it turns out that dreaming about your teeth falling out has to do with anxiety and changes, according to most sources.  Which makes perfect sense when you know that I just got back from Borderlands Press Bootcamp on Sunday night.

I knew I was in for a good weekend – or at least an interesting one – when on the first night, we were told we would either learn how to become published writers or we would learn that we wanted to write as a hobby.  And that while they couldn’t each us how to write, they could sure tell us how not to write.  It was a weekend full of helpful suggestions and lots and lots of information.  Of course, just because people are encouraging doesn’t mean that they want to encourage you.  The whole “you show such promise” and “I can really hear your voice” and often said in order to cover up the “but there’s no plot” or perhaps the “have you even taken an English class? ever?”

But even taking everything with about as much salt as you might find around the side of a margarita, I decided that I was in it for the long haul.  I came home ready to refine my work and send it out again and again and again.

My dream teeth, however, seem to have had a different viewpoint as they took to the hills after this personal revelation.  So we’ll see who’s right – me or my teeth.