iPhone4 as failure

Maybe I just look for symbolism too much in my life.  I acknowledge that I analyze and overanalyze everything – the curse of being an English teacher, I suppose.  And maybe, just maybe, I’m doing it again.  Y’all can be the judge of that.

Waaaay back in December, when I got the news of the layoff, it came at what I’d like to call a seriously inopportune time.  Three weeks before Christmas.

But that wasn’t all.  The night before the layoff, I’d gone out and bought (pre-purchased, actually), an iPhone4 to replace my two plus year old iPhone3G.  Not even a 3GS.  That old.

So when I go the phone call the next morning, the first thing I decided to do was return the phone.  It wasn’t necessary, and since I hadn’t actually laid hands on it, it seemed like a really obvious return.  Save a few hundred dollars so Christmas wasn’t ruined?  Yeah, I was all for that.

In my brain, the two things became linked: getting laid off, and getting an iPhone4.  (What worse advertising could anyone come up with? “Get an iPhone4 and a termination call all at the same time!”)

Here comes the whining and pathetic-ness.  (Yes, that is now a word.)

I’m finally getting a refurb one, thanks to a bit of extra cash coming my way, and I worry that it will just serve as a constant reminder of failure.  It’s bad enough I look at other people’s phones, so will getting my own make it worse or better?

Not having one and seeing them has been a totally expected (and still unexpected) kick in the guts.  It’s the same feeling as when I got the phone call and the “involuntary separation” from my job.  (God, I love HR speak!)

I hate to sound totally shallow and materialistic, but, well, on some level, I am.

But, hey, we live, we learn, blah blah blah all that feel good stuff.

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